Entries from the Journal of Sakura Mikan
by MysticSpade
Summary: Having Natsume as her older brother,she feels as if he no longer cares for his only sister.Going to college without even saying goodbye to her,he gets into a car accident.He falls into a coma with only chances. Is fate just playing a joke on them? RxR
1. Chapter 1

**The Departure and the Incident**

It seems that whatever I do now to get his attention always fails. I feel lost with no connection to him, whatsoever. He now appears to have another side to him, I feel forgotten, lost deep in his heart. If only life was different, then, maybe, he'd see what he's missing........ me......

Typing the last words, a brunette stared blankly at her laptop screen. She felt lost at words as she took in emotions she felt. It seemed now, her brother no longer cared for her. In her mind, it was emotionally sick to her stomach. He wouldn't bother talking to her at all, all he ever did was give her a glance before returning to his computer. Stiff, Mikan collapsed on her bed and stiffled a sob. She loved her brother, but he wouldn't notice. It felt to her that a sibling relationship was forbidden. Dazed, her hazelnut brown eyes quickly turned dull and dark. She slowly closed her eyes before muttering a word.

" Forbidden......."

After she blacked out from being dazed, she got up and stomped down stairs grouchily. She always hated that fever-like feeling after falling asleep in the afternoon, especially in the summer.

" Take care Natsume!! Have a safe trip and call us when you get to college!!" Mikan's mother Yuka, shouted.

Still groggy, Mikan didn't hear clearly enough to her mother's shouting. Muttering incoherent words, the brunette poured out some orange juice.

" Mom, who was that you were shouting at?" The hazel-eyed lass asked.

" Natsume of course. You could've at least figured that you're older onee-chan was leaving couldn't you?" Yuka hummed while answering.

" WHAT? He's leaving? Where to?" Mikan gaped, still shocked that she didn't realize it.

" College dear, is something wrong with you? You're father and I told you about it yesterday night during dinner." Yuka explained annoyed her daughter didn't listen one bit.

" Oh..... alright. Why didn't he come say bye to me then?" The brunette pouted frustratedly.

" He saw that you were still asleep and didn't want to wake you up so he just said bye to me. And I can't even believe the nerve you're father has to even consider going to work on a weekend when our baby boy's leaving for college!!!!!!!!" Mikan's mother yelled obviously angry at Yukihira.

" Okay.... whatever, I'm going back up stairs." Mikan told her, confused that she missed the only chance to say bye to him. Walking slowly upstairs, she put on a stoic face and concentrated on entering Natsume's old room without crying. She glared and kicked his trashcan in frustration. ' I can't believe he left,.... just like that.....' Mikan thought.

She sighed and layed on his bed. She blinked and focused her brain on remebering the good times. She sucked in air through her mouth in annoyance. Wrinkling her nose and arching her eyebrows downward made her look like an angry bull. She laughed at her so-called memories. How she used to smile and kid around with her brother. When they were little, they'd have sleep overs in each other's rooms and jump on the bed until the were tired and hugged each other as they slept. But since they grew, they had to keep some distance away from each other because of "puberty."

Growing reckless, Mikan gently touched her cheek where he used to kiss her when they were little. Ever since they grew up, all he ever did was annoy her continuously with sarcastic smart remarks.

Tearing up, she breathed in deeply and was about to close her eyes before her mother shrieked. Brown orbs widening, she quickly got up and ran hurriedly downstairs. Her mom collapsed due to shock. Her mother's brown eyes were wide with fear and shock.

"What is it mom?" Mikan asked while trying to comfort her.

" You're brother, ....... he got into a car accident..... darn it to heck for that drunk man crashing into Natsume." Sucking in air with anger, Yuka got up and put on her coat. " Would you like to accompany me to the hospital Mikan?"

" Yes..... alright." The brunette quivered from the news. She really wanted him to be alright.

As soon as they got to the hospital, Yuka and Mikan ran down the hallways to Natsume's room after checking which number it was from the assistants. 'Please be alright Natsume.... please be alright.' Opening the door, her breath hitched up and practically stopped breathing. He looked terrible. Cuts and wounds were covered by bandages.

" How is he Doctor?" Yuka asked irratibally(sorry if I spelled it wrong).

" He's in good conditions right now, although, he has fallen into a coma. here's a 62% chance that he may lose all his memories and only a 25% chance that he'll regain consciousness and still remeber who all of you are. And there is also a 13% chance that he may never even wake up." The Doctor explained.

' All those memories we had together when we were little, he could forgot all those??!!' Mikan anxiously thought.

" DON'T GO INTO THE LIGHT NATSUME!!!" Mikan shouted as people froze in place and stared.

Sweatdropping, she nervously chuckled before running all the way back.

' Natsume...... why? Why do you have to forget??!!' Mikan thought, crying hopelessly.

' Is this just fate? Tell me God!!' Mikan thought while staring at the cold ground. Entering her house, she quickly booted up her laptop and typed.

This is only the beginning of what has happened to my life......

Mikan stopped typing on the keyboard before closing her laptop.

Journal Entry 1 completed.........


	2. Chapter 2

**New Feelings**

Is fate just playing a joke on Natsume and I? Especially Natsume? He's suffering so much, on one of his most important days, entering college..... if there is hope, will he ever wake up at least? Lead me to the signs, bring me to my new found self. Is there really a God? Or is it just something people say to help the hurt and pained humans out there to believe? I don't think I understand any thing yet, how everything works here in a cycle. I'm just a new found soul in the world, hoping that everything will be alright.... but, only in such a situation, there's only one thing I have to do, pray to the heavens everyday, even if there might not really be a God.

The sound of the clicking of the keyboard was heard as a brunette typed on her online journal. She really did hope that there was a God for her to believe in for something. Grudgingly, she tapped her desk frustratedly, hurriedly, angrily, hopelessly, all the things that described her situation...... pain.

' I never thought I'd have to go through something like this, everything I always hoped would never happen, just occured, just like that. Pain, suffering, all of that.' Mikan thought, bitterly chuckling to herself.

Closing her eyes, she stopped typing and closed her laptop. Pain was overwhelming her heart, that emotion was grief. She clutched where her heart was, rumpling her shirt with a fist. Lowering her head, her brown chestnut hair drooped down as her hiccups were muffled by her crying. Tears were seen as they fell down from her hazelnut eyes. Hidden away, her mother Yuka experienced the whole scene. Walking away, Yuka could barely keep herself together, her daughter was crying for heaven's sake!!

Crawling into a ball in fetal position, Mikan huddled.

'I know!! I should call Hotaru!! I bet she'll think of something!!' Mikan thought happily with a beaming, sun shining smile.

Reaching out for the phone, she quickly dialed her best friend's phone number. Listening to the ringing tone, she took a deep breath. As if her own mind was controlling her differently, she found herself crying through the phone, still sobbing like crazy. Unaware, her friend was hearing her friend cry like there was no tomorrow.

" Oi, baka!! Stop you're crying and get over with what you called me for. Time is very limited and I'm charging you five yen a minute for you calling me for some stupid, usless, idiotic, and simple-minded subject. Now stop it if you don't want me to charge you an extra five yen for listening to you crying." The purple-eyed inventor coldly replied.

' Am I being too hard on the idiot? She just got the news of Natsume's incident. And he is in a coma..... but oh well, I could get pictures of him sleeping and sell it to his fangirls.' Hotaru thought.

" Oh, Hotaru!! Sorry, it's just that I really wish all of this wasn't happening to me. It feels like I'm all alone in the world with strangers all around me!!" The brunette hiccuped, still trying to maintain her sobbing.

" Listen, nose-dripped girl, I'm not your therapist that you can rely on whenever you have such a stupid problem. Will you ever think of the solution to you're problems before phoning me for my opinion? You're such a pig-head, too idiotic to think for once. Now I have to get going, I have some important matters to discuss with my clients, mainly fangirls on purchasing photos of Nogi. Also, to be clear, you owe me 100 yen for talking to me for 10 minutes and the additional 50 yen for me having to listen to you cry." Hotaru monotonously answered befor hanging up.

" Bu-bu-but Hotaru-chan!! You're such a big meanie!! You didn't even listen to my problem!! How could you be such a heartless best friend?!?!!" The hazel-eyed girl shouted despairingly. Listening to the conversation, Yuka entered Mikan's room.

"Mikan dear, would you like to come with me to the hospital to check up on Natsume? I'm sure he'd like the company of hearing you're darling voice." Yuka gently questioned.

" How can he even notice if he has visitors??! I bet he can't even hear!! I'm not going.... " Mikan yelled looking away.

" Well, they say that people in comas are still able to hear. Listen to your heart Mikan, what do you actually want to do?" Her mother asked urging her to come with her.

" It.... says to.... go." Mikan muttered unwillingly.

" Good, now let's go now."

As soon as they entered the hospital, Yuka's phone rang loudly while the nurses and patients were glaring at the noise.

" Yukihira? Oh, okay. You'll come back from you're business trip in a week? That's great news!!" Yuka excitedly answered before closing her phone.

Looking at Natsume made her heart break even more. Mikan had a pained expression on her features, clenching her fist, she quietly excused herself.

' Why? Why is it everytime I try to look at him, my heart feels like it's being broken down into pieces, just ripped apart?' Mikan thought as a shadow crossed her face with agony.

Poor Mikan, nothing was ever very fair for the brunette so far.

Glancing at the her older brother, she released her tears once again. Tears trailing down her face, the brunette simply stared at him before Yuka and her left for home, home sweet home.

Rain pouring outside, Mikan smiled as she got herself drenched from the clear, cold, refreshing water droplets. Twirling around once more, before she went into her house, she made one promise to herself. That no matter anything, she would always be brave and listen to her heart.

Once forth again, it was another agonizing trip to see Natsume in the hospital. Seeing him like that is just makes me want to die and jump off a cliff. Although something bad happened, it doesn't mean I have to be sad just because everyone else has that same emotion. I promise myself again, that no matter anything, I will always be brave and listen to my heart. All I can do now is watch him in his conditions. I do hope that he won't have to struggle to wake up and realize that he makes it. It's all up to him, it's his challenge he has to face, to get through. If he really does want to see the light again, Natsume should fight for life.

I feel refreshed from the rain, cool and kept-in like how I should act. Nobody wants to see anyone crying, good luck Natsume..... win you're battle for life.

With a promising smile, Mikan re-read her journal entry. She glanced outside as she heard the rain pitter and patter against her window. It was the beginning of something new, it always was after it stops raining.

Journal entry 2 completed......


End file.
